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A Dominant Submissive

My outer personality would most likely be described as dominant.  People in my life have told me that they experience me in a way that tells them I am always in control, that I like to control.  I’m a dominant personality.

Inside, however, I have always felt submissive.  I have always fought that submissiveness, taking it as a sign of weakness and having to overcome it.  So perhaps I have overcompensated and become dominant?  And have ignored another part of me that is now beginning to ask for attention?

Which brings me to my innermost fantasy.  To experience a relationship where I am submissive.  I have had fantasies about this all my life, in the sexual sense – leaving out the pain aspect - of being taken, of being told what to do, of being tied, and yes, of being owned so to speak.  And in the non-sexual sense, (of being given instructions; what to wear; how to speak). 

This fantasy does not jive with another part of me that seeks a different kind of connection with a man – a more spiritual/mind connection.  It’s never been a problem however – until now.  Problem is too strong of a word, challenge may be better. 

Whenever I have met a man who is very dominating in personality, aggressive or assertive, I have taken myself out of the situation (regardless of the strong and overwhelming attraction I felt towards him) – whatever it may be – personal, business, friendship etc.  Basically I have avoided aggressive and controlling men and have been in relationships with men who are more less mild in manner.  (I’m not speaking of this in an abusive sort of situation, I don’t believe that an abusive situation represents what a true Dom/sub relationship looks like).

The last little while however, these Dom/sub fantasies have grown louder.  It’s almost as they will not allow me to ignore them any longer.  To make matters worse, I have met a man who is extremely dominant.  I was instantly attracted to the point of being sexually aroused.  My first instinct was to find a way to end the acquaintance – simply telling him that I am not interested.  However, after thinking about it for a few days I am contemplating giving this other side of myself a chance to explore.  To see where it takes me.

I have begun asking many questions about what a Dom/sub relationship would look like or what the rules are.  I have been told that the people in the relationship define the rules.  I like that.  I have been told that it can be a very strong connection between two people.  I like that.  I have been told that respectfullness does exist within the relationship.  I like that too.   I have been told that giving up control takes strength.  I like that as well.  The more I think and talk about it, the more I am aroused by it.  Aroused to the point where it is becoming frustrating if I don’t find release.  Sort of like “blue balls” is for a man?  Or maybe not. 

I have a strong desire to explore this part of my personality.  I also have a strong fear about it.  The desire, is stronger than the fear.  In my “pseudo-research” I have found that such a relationship can be:

- extremely arousing
- addicting
- hypnotic
- exciting
- dangerous

Hmmm, sounds similar to love and infatuation to me!

As much as I know that inwardly I tend to be submissive, this desire, this need that I have to explore this is growing stronger every day.  Have I lost my mind?  Where are these feelings coming from?  The further I explore these questions – the more I want to explore the submissive side of myself.

As much as I believe that fantasies are usually more arousing than actually bringing them to reality, this is one fantasy that I have had a small taste of in reality and it may just be that much more arousing for real, than it is in my head.

Or maybe not.

You really “haven’t done anything like this before” have you? It shows…

This is really becoming ridiculous. I am tired of hooking up with attractive women who, though they have been on this Earth for three to four decades, don’t have the first idea on how to properly smoke a pole. This is especially annoying when I have just spent 30-60 minutes getting excited between their beautiful, tender thighs taking orders (and my arms, neck and tongue are now completely numb, stiff and/or have pins and needles) and I’ve let them smoke a generous helping of my good weed and polish off half a bottle of Crown.

If you are in need of pointers, read on. Otherwise, have a nice day.

First, (assuming the man is on his back) take the pole into your hand and pull it straight up into the air. Don’t pull it too far back- if it breaks off, there is certainly going to be some trouble and you may find yourself charged with negligent manslaughter after I bleed to death.

Firmly gripping the base of the shaft with one hand, then place your ENTIRE mouth around the upright penis and slowly suck to an area AT LEAST 1″-2″ inches below the dickhead. This is where the penis is most sensitive. If you concentrate exclusively on the dickhead, it will be too sensitive and the BJ will be more torture than pleasure. Avoid this, especially if you don’t want me to keep sucking on your clit after you come in my mouth and you are writhing atop my bed because of the sensitivity.

After my stiff 7″ (actually, 6″, but if you are experienced enough to immediately notice and make a mental note you shouldn’t be in my bedroom) has been sufficiently made wet by your mouth slowly moving up and down my pole, it’s time to introduce the hand into the equation.

You instinctively put your hand over your mouth to project your voice to distances over 20 yards away in the event of emergency, such as, “Hey! That fucking dickhead from the Parking Authority is about to write you a ticket for double-parking while you bring your groceries into your apartment!” Use the same technique here – place your hand over your mouth, just between your lips and nose, and continue to suck! Both your hand and soft lips are now gliding up and down my dickhead and shaft, providing me with indescrible pleasure. (If not for this, I wouldn’t be hanging out with you in the first place.)

Now DON’T actually yell out while my blessed member is in your mouth (especially to someone from the Parking Authority) but note that the excitement could be increased even further if you would moan and purr like you are enjoying my cock more than that box of chocolates that you keep dipping into despite your vow to be on your tenth straight diet. (It doesn’t matter if you actually ARE enjoying it- sometimes licking your snatch is like licking the inside of someone’s nose with a sinus infection, yet I don’t complain.)

Do NOT- I repeat, NOT- ever stroke the cock where the shaft meets the balls. There is absolutely no sensitivity in that area. Your hand properly belongs over your mouth. Even worse is when a woman starts pulling on the scrotum in that area, thinking you might enjoy it. How about I try pulling your ears from your face? It would be just as sexually pleasureable.

If your technique is proper, most men will be morphed into a two-minute tiger. The cock will stiffen within minutes to a degree greater than the body of the city’s most recent shooting victim of the year down at the morgue. Ejaculation is now imminent! It is VERY important that you continue sucking for at least 3-4 seconds following the first cumblasts spraying the back of your throat. This will ensure that the involuntary trigger reflex in my penis will begin. Like an AK-47 in the hands of Iraqi insurgents, properly triggering off my pole will ensure that it will keep firing and firing until the entire contents of my burdened balls effortlessly make my way into your mouth in one fell swoop and the 12,000,000,000 potential children begin the journey down your esophogus to their final destination of swimming around in your stomach.

If you pull away too soon, the penis will not successfully trigger and will not continue shooting itself off without some extra effort on your part. It’s best to get it all out at once so I don’t have to awkwardly begin pleading and screaming, “Omigod! Omigod! Baby, there’s more! There’s more! Keep sucking! Keep sucking!” at the height of ecstasy.

Bonus points if you flick your tongue at the base of my dickhead while I’m exploding in your mouth.

After you are confident that all of the sperm has been drained from my testicles (or, my hand releases its vice-grip on the back of your head – whichever comes first), then you may remove your mouth from my penis and slowly lick up and down my still-twiching shaft. Lick the balls, too- they LOVE you at this moment. Then, pull my shaft back up toward you and slowly, softly suck for a few more seconds to top everything off. You can have anything you want from my fridge as I quickly fall off to sleep. Drink the other half bottle of Crown while you are at it.  I love you!

When I said “Gimme Five” I really meant it

What is it about women (the ones that I have met) and oral sex.  There is a big discrepancy between the sexes when it comes to the amount of time spent performing the act.  I know in my experience that there is a certain expectation that I spend as much time as needed to ensure that she is satisfied.  This will be on average from 15-60 minutes. Never mind that all this while my head is cocked at a 45 degree angle and my tongue gets numb from the swirling and darting that is required non-stop in order for her to reach orgasm.  God forbid that I rest for a second…that means starting from the beginning all over. Even worse I had one lover that seemed to enjoy it yet took an extra long time to come.  After some discussion I found out she was “holding out” to savour the sensations.  I thought my tongue was going to break off…but as long as SHE was happy…right?

When it comes to her “returning the favour” she seems to be in a rush to get it over with.  I timed it on more than one occasion, just for interest’s sake and 2 minutes seems to be about average.  After that she stops putting any effort into it and starts complaining about a stiff jaw.

I have to admit that I have NO experience in performing oral sex on a man so I don’t know if it is any more difficult than doing it to a woman.  Maybe I need the opinion of someone that has had the opportunity to experience both situations. I am not talking about anything extreme here, deepthroat or gagging, just “normal” oral sex. I was discussing this topic once with someone and they suggested it might be a “size” thing.  Maybe I was too big?  I laughed.  I say no more.

I am not complaining about my numb tongue or stiff neck, the results are well worse the slight discomfort.  I don’t make direct comparisons and do not have any specific expectation, it isn’t a matter of “I’ll give you five for five”.  I have never said anything to her regarding my stiff neck or my numb tongue, whereas she makes no “bones” about showing her displeasure with spending more than two minutes. I am just curious as to whether her complaints are justified.

What I feel is that oral sex is “work”.  There is specific concentration required to achieve the desired result and the “giver” only gets enjoyment from providing pleasure to the receiver.  There is no specific mutual physical stimulation as with intercourse.  After time I feel that we go from the “trying to impress” stage to “the as little as I can get away with stage” when it comes to any “job” and “blow” jobs are no exception.
Sometimes I “feel” tired from having to maintain a specific position for too long, but I will never complain.  The sexual tension that I get from this particular form of foreplay is second to none…I would assume that from what I have seen that women are possible not aroused in the same way by pleasuring their partner?

Or

Is it because oral sex on a woman can be a session in itself…followed by intercourse;  That being a woman can be stimulated orally to orgasm and then can have intercourse immediately afterwards.  If a man is stimulated to orgasm orally, typically there will be a gap in time before intercourse is viable.  So my point is, is oral sex on a man simply “foreplay” leading to intercourse while oral sex on here is a separate and distinct “session”?

For that price the earth had better move…out of orbit.

I had the opportunity to go downtown (Toronto) last weekend.  I usually make my way down this time of year.  I actually like the hustle and bustle of the city, especially this time of year.  Maybe it is the decorated storefronts or the fact that the urine soaked back alleys smell a bit more like pine these days but I like it.

I got off of the subway at Wellington and made my way to Northbound, may favourite leather store on the west side of Yonge. They have fantastic outfits in the front of the store but the back room(s) are strictly restricted to those of legal age.  There is a wide selection of S& M, bondage and fetish wear as well as a unique selection of sex toys.  I say “toys” tongue-in-cheek, these are expensive, hardcore “devices” designed to give the user the ultimate “high” within the parameters of their chosen fetish.

One particular item that grabbed my attention was the “Sybian”.  The Sybian is like a vibrator on a large base but with a unique design. The woman sits on the Sybian which sits on the floor. It has two separate movements. A Vaginal Insert rotates within the vagina with speed adjustable from very slow to very fast and the entire area which contacts the vulva vibrates as well. Separate controls allow independent regulation of vibration and rotation over a wide range of speeds. The Sybian provides simultaneous, intense stimulation of both the clitoris and the G- spot at the same time.

I have always been one to readily bring toys into the bedroom.  I think they can be a welcome addition to a couple’s sex life, whether they are “needed” or not.  I would say that my biggest turn on of all is watching a woman orgasm so anything that can help her get off and me at the same time is a good thing.  My wife wasn’t with me this particular time so I was unable to get her opinion on the device.  For those of you that would like to give your partner the ultimate in genital stimulation and have money to burn ($3000 CAD) be sure to check it out. As for my wife, she isn’t getting a Sybian this year…unless Santa brings it!

Links:
Northbound Leather
Sybian (manufacturer’s site)

My wife is a slut…and she doesn’t know it!

To me there are two basic types of sex.
1.    The warm intimacy that is shared between two people in love.
2.    No holds barred, crude, nasty, do whatever you can imagine sexual gratification.

The problem is that in most cases the two never happen at the same time, or at least with the same person.  I heard a saying once that “Making love is what a woman thinks about when you are fucking her”.  There seems to be a discrepancy between what the sexes can imagine as being palatable even if given the chance to dig into their deepest desires.

The problem is, as I see it is that men objectify women if given the opportunity to.  I love my wife, I treat her as such.  We have a great relationship in that we both work towards common goals.  We have a great sex life, we move in unison and we can orgasm at the same time.  I have no complaints.
However if I took respecting her as a person out of the equation and just thought of her as AND had the ability to USE her as I saw fit, the rules would change.  I believe that if a man has the ability to have sex with a woman in the way that he can IMAGINE it would in most cases be distasteful to the woman.

I am not talking about physically harming a woman, I am just saying that if I could do whatever I wished, whatever I can comprehend as being REALLY sexually exciting to me it would more likely represent a porno film than a close relationship.

I don’t hold the thought of ever experiencing any of these scenarios in “real” life.  They serve no purpose to me in my real life.  In conversation with my wife I have brought up various scenarios and could tell by her response that my fantasy would be better off staying just that…fantasy.

I do from time to time draw on these “fantasies” while making love.  In some ways I feel bad in that in my mind, I am objectifying her and her body more than she will know or needs to know.  I am not pretending that she is someone else, rather a one-sided “role-playing” where I am pretending that she is acting in a different way than she would possibly ever comprehend.  I am married, so NSA sex and hookers are not a viable option, I have to work with what I have.  Sometimes she IS a hooker, other times my neighbour’s wife, still others the team’s cheerleader but almost always she is a reincarnation of the stereotypical “slut” and now she is mine. Many different scenarios and yet almost always different than what appears as face value.

If I “make love” and try and get really worked up over the “closeness”, the “connection”, the “bond” I will most likely go to sleep.  I need, at least in my head for sex to be “dirty”.  I need there to be some stigma attached to it in order for me to “get off” intellectually and emotionally.

I like to look into my wife’s eyes and see that sparkle.  I love to see her smile.  I love to hear her voice.  She is a great partner and I am very happy that she is in my life.  What she doesn’t see is how I look at her in a more visually graphic way, how I fantasize about her, how I objectify her body.
I care about her needs.  I always do my best to ensure she is happy and satisfied.  She does the same for me…she just doesn’t know how much.

Daddy…what does Mommy taste like?

I have had a number of women ask me if I actually like performing oral sex; in that is there a physical stimulus provided to the man through the action.  The answer is no.  There is no specific physical response directly, however the thought of what I am doing, the scent and the response of the recipient combine to make it highly arousing and provides an indirect physical response.  It would be virtually impossible for me to do this without becoming physically aroused.

Males describe vaginal secretions:

•”Lemony.”
•”Like the ocean.”
•”Cheerios.”
•”Have you ever put your tongue on the end of a battery? Like an alkaline battery.”
•”Like electricity, when you put a pop top from a soda can between your braces.”
•”Tangy.”
•”Like semen (salty), but better. Zesty.”
•”Tastes like glass.”
•”Whipped bananas and ginger ale.”
•”Similar to licking a non-bleeding wound. Sort of a salty, musty, yet sweet taste. It varies.”
•”Honestly I don’t remember the taste. The smell was all I could think about.”
•”A little fishy in taste, but that could be related to the smell.”
•”Depending on the woman and the time of the month, there can be a slight non-salty blood taste or a tangy battery taste.”
•”Bitter.”
“While performing oral sex on a college girlfriend, a few drops of a tepid, vaginal secretion were produced during her orgasm. When I tasted this fluid, I had the unusual sensation of eating a taco. That’s right! It was salty and tasted just like the combined flavors of fried hamburger meat, cheese, corn shell, and El Paso taco sauce! I’ll always have some very fond memories whenever I eat Mexican.”
•”Vaginal fluids are tangy, and syrupy, at least the ones I’ve come across. (!) If I haven’t tasted and she hasn’t BEEN tasted in a while, the fluids are especially tangy, but they always have a wonderful sweet smell. Kind of paradoxical, tangy-tasting and sweet-smelling, but that’s part of why it’s so much fun.”
•”It’s not so much a taste, it’s a smell. Kind of like a musty armpit but not really as offensive. Actually it might taste like a musty armpit too, I’ll have to check it and get back to you.”
•”A mixture of citrus and MSG.”
•”Soy sauce, the light Kikkoman.”
•”Indescribable.”
•”It didn’t have much flavor, but the sensation inside the mouth was what I remember most. It was a very warm, comforting feeling.”
•”Kind of sweet and sweaty.”
•”Sweet, not like anything I’ve ever tasted.”
•”Around the clitoris, it tastes like sweet tarts. In the vaginal canal, it tastes kind of like an artichoke tuna salad.”
•“Moss”
•“An old attic”

Vaginas are Pretty

Vaginas are pretty. Ok, I don’t actually think that’s true. Its not any sort of inner self loathing, I just don’t find all the wrinkly folds and the odd array of skin tones very awe inspiring. Perhaps it’s that my aesthetics meter just isn’t calibrated properly. I also fail to see splendor when I look at babies. Perhaps you just need to be more familiar with an object to truly appreciate its subtleties and grace. For example it always seems to be mothers spouting on about the gorgeousness of babies and porn stars talking about beautiful beavers.

All this being said I had an epiphany recently. A vagina has enough going for it that it’s worth the extra effort to stop that unruly mop from hanging in its eyes. My old view which was, “why not let the poor thing live out its homely life in peace”, has been changed to “my muff is like Allison from The Breakfast Club”. You might remember Allison, she was the depressed, unsightly gal with crazy hair that covered most of her face. But, at the end she lets Molly Ringwald’s character do her hair and you realize she’s actually quite lovely. Where is Molly Ringwald when you need her?

What would cause this type of 180 you ask, online video porn of course. I was just introduced to the wonders of YouTube-like porn sites by my husband who swears he only hears about such things from his vulgar co-workers. Being a modern sort of couple we like to use technology to our advantage whenever possible – which includes huddling around a laptop in bed watching raunchy homemade video porn vignettes. After some sheepish discussion on what keyword searches we should try (btw, Abercombie & Fitch model seducing average looking woman in a Tahitian hotel bar before taking her out to his yacht to have hot, sweaty, above deck sex doesn’t turn up any results, so don’t bother), we hit upon “Eating Pussy Lesson”. I was thinking we would get something along the lines of “the clit is not a myth” and “yes you do actually need to put your mouth on it to be successful”, but what I got was much, much better. A mature blond woman – still a looker but someone you genuinely felt you could take anatomical advice from – gave the lesson on a young buxom blond in a bustier. Our teacher furthered both the scientific and fetishistic quotient by wearing black rubber gloves. I won’t get into the details except to say that I learned a great deal from this woman and by the end felt that the vagina was a brilliant piece of equipment that should receive at least as much attention as a car does; a regular wash & wax and the occasional splurge on the deluxe wheel rim package with papaya scent.

But let’s be realistic, rarely do epiphanies happen in a vacuum. There was a bit of a lead up to this. As I stated earlier I felt that my lower coif needed little attention and that this was a reasonable and widespread course of action. And of course I was right. The average North American woman does choose to let nature take its course down below. However, as my recent anecdotal and completely unscientific research clearly indicates – the average single North American woman between the ages of 20 and 35, who lives in an urban area, waxes the shit out of her va-jay jay. Yes, that dreaded South American spa treatment, and the closest most of us will ever get to a lesbian sex act… the Brazilian wax job.

I was in many ways shocked to learn that most of my friends partake. I thought there were few reasons girls like us might obtain a Brazilian. Among them might be an upcoming stint in Amateur Girls Take Hot Cock 7, or a date with Ron Jeremy. These otherwise normal women in my life were shelling out $70 a pop to let a small asian woman take them in a back room and rip out their anal hair. Yikes. One of my friends is actually lasering her beave completely bald. Double yikes. This last conversation was had over a round of beers at a local pub and I was the only one in the group who had to scoop her chin up off the table. The rest of the ladies felt this was not only a wise aesthetic choice, but smart from an economic point of view also. Pay several hundred dollars now but never have to pay for a wax job again, let alone a razor. Don’t be surprised if you see “laser yourself bald” as hot new tip for financially savvy females in Suze Orman’s next book.

After my informal education I was certainly more aware that bush hair removal on a massive scale was far more common than I ever thought. Regular gals are out there with landing strips or nothing at all and I suppose regular guys have come to expect it. To think my poor husband had to work around all that fluff for years.

But if you’re hoping for me to wrap this up with a Brazilian salon recommendation, you’re out of luck. I’m going to have to count myself as a moderate on this issue. I’ll go for an advanced bikini wax (a la landing strip), and I’ll even keep it nice and trim with a pair of safety scissors. But to whatever confused stray hairs made a right when they should have made a left and ended up doomed to a life next to my butt hole, I say live and let live.

Free Doormat

Do you have a drinking problem? Do you believe your crappy childhood exempts you from having to be nice to other people? Is “enraged” the only emotion you are capable of feeling? Do you make twice as much as me, yet still need to borrow money a week after you get paid? If so, I am the lady for you! I’m a queer femme who enjoys being yelled at, ignored, and told what is best for me. I’m short, thin (maybe that will trigger your teenage eating disorder issues! Feel free to blame me!), and smart (unless you find that threatening! In which case I am not as smart as you!). I do have clinical depression, which I manage with medication and, ideally, a steady supply of judgment from you. I’m looking to continue along my current dating path with someone who is immature, unpleasant, and bad at listening. Bonus points if you:

-fetishize my mixed-race background, use it to impress your liberal white friends, and know exactly what “my people” are doing wrong
-make “ironic” racist jokes
-are a spoiled-ass mama’s boy
-have no friends of your own, preferring to use me for all of your emotional needs (if you must have your own friends, I would rather you use them to cheat on me and/or commiserate about what a terrible girlfriend I am)
-hate fat people (although I am not fat myself, I love it when people rip on my friends and expect me to agree because of my genetics)
-understand that being an asshole and apologizing for it later is exactly the same as not being an asshole in the first place
-use “non-normatively gendered” as a synonym for “teeming with internalized misogyny”

Hopefully we can build a lasting relationship and maybe move in together so that you can decorate the apartment with old beer cans filled with cigarette butts and containers of half-eaten takeout food covered in fruit flies. Don’t worry, I’ll clean up after you. I’d prefer if you are white and middle-class so you can lord it over me all the time. Physical age unimportant as long as you are emotionally 9 years old. Your pic gets mine!!!

Pussy is worth 86.3 cents US

I remember someone asserting that the current omnipresence of porn in our society would, as a result, make women’s sexuality appear much more valuable to them than it would in an otherwise less sexually open environment.

Neil Gaimain’s introduction to his story, “Looking For The Girl”, sums it up best:
“To research the story, I sat in the Penthouse U.K. Docklands office and thumbed through 20 years of bound magazines…it occured to me, while I was looking at two decades of Penthouses, that Penthouse and magazines like it had absolutely nothing to do with women and absolutely everything to do with photographs of women…”

Images of women as sexual objects are pervasive in many cultures – and not just in what most people term pornography. There are a number of separate questions here, which should not be confused.

Does pornography increase the sense of self worth of women by adding sexual value to them while not detracting to their other social roles?
Almost certainly not. Most pornography features women who need not be treated with respect to be sexually available.

Does pornography increase the sense of a woman that it is a few particular portions of her anatomy that make her important, unlike men who can achieve in many different ways?
Perhaps, although pornography is more viewed by men than women, so perhaps it has little impact on the ’self-perceived value of pussy’. On the other hand, movies and television show many things that would have been considered pornography a few years ago.

Does pornography decrease the sense of their own value of women, by indicating they are valuable for one primary reason and do not deserve to be treated with respect for that one reason?
It’s hard to say, but very few women seem to think more of themselves because their sex is so prominently featured in pornography.

Does pornography lead women to overestimate men’s sexual interest in them?
Probably not for most women, since it also places a premium on anatomical qualities which are difficult to achieve with time, money, and the help of a cameraman. It may well lead them to misunderstand men’s priorities – or to understand the priorities of some men better.

Mommy…How did your teeth get so white?

I have made it a habit of asking any woman I could as to why or why not when it comes to oral sex.  Most of them told me the taste was unappealing.  I went one step further and asked guys what they thought of the taste of a female during oral sex.  So here you go.  Please keep in mind that my survey has never got me closer to my fantastic goal but does make for interseting reading.

Females describe semen:

•”Ajax cleaner”
•”maybe salty”
•”smells like Ajax, I no longer buy Ajax because of it. Instead I buy Mr. Clean, it’s perfumed.”
•”thick Clorox”
•”rancid Elmer’s glue”
•”tastes and smells like Brie cheese”
•”It tastes like itself (it’s kind of like asking what pepper tastes like).”
•”Indescribable.”
•”It tasted like a thick, globby beer.”
•”I’ve discovered that although there is a general almond taste to all men — different men taste a little differently AND depending on how much a man drinks, smokes, and what he’s eating — the semen ranges in bitterness. The less healthy he is the worst his semen tastes. Almost like Clorox at times.”
•”It tasted quite salty.”
•”I cannot compare the taste to anything else I have tasted because its flavour is unique. I can compare its taste to the smell of Clorox bleach.
•Semen tastes like bleach smells!”
•”It has different tastes for different people ranging from rotten eggs and dirty socks to a slimy/salty taste.”
•”Semen had a taste of its own…Sometimes it’s more spicy  than other times; sometimes it’s sweeter. Sometimes it gives me the sensation that I just chewed on a balloon.”
•”Salty. It’s a lot like swallowing snot.”
•”Kind of like salty soft snot.”
•”Blah! BITTER taste!”
•”Salty glue, especially if dehydrated. Not-so-salty otherwise, actually more watery. Like paper-mache…flour, glue and old newspapers.”
•”Smells like Bradford Pear blossoms.”
•”I don’t know, but I’ve heard that semen tastes like whatever the ejaculator ate twelve hours before.”
•”Like you’d think dish washing detergent would taste, but doesn’t. Kind of soapy.”
•”Salty with a hint of chlorine.”
•”Tastes like the ink of an octopus.”
•”It tastes like almonds.”
•”The taste was not easy to identify, it was sort of mixed with another fluid.”
•”Sort of a non-descript taste leaning towards the salty side of the spectrum.”
•”Not much of a flavor. Kind of salty.”
•”What does saliva taste like?”
•”Alfalfa sprouts.”
•”Caviar.”
•”It has a surprising non-taste. It looks like snot but is not as salty. I was reminded of the time I woke up with a bloody nose and the blood had drained down my throat.”
•“Overcooked pasta”

My mom (yes, my mom) that the unique taste of semen proves that God isn’t a woman.  She said that if God were a woman that semen would taste like chocolate.